leaves rustle their petal petticoats
coyly
exhaulted
reigning on rainbow high
til
that damned fickle sickle
a line of cells
pushes
one by one adds another finger
on another finger
and their feet go flying flowing falling
dancing free
laid to rest
a poignant gem
a bead of gold
on my chest
19.8.10
29.7.10
dark march. 15.03.10
i am a bit shy and i twirl the ring on my finger
holding words in my mouth like a fist full of vomit
ready to explode in tears running
down a hot red
face my
scab
throbs
holding words in my mouth like a fist full of vomit
ready to explode in tears running
down a hot red
face my
scab
throbs
15.7.10
a moon painting in spain.
and the she
gets uncomfortably close
colors blurring the lines till they
become muddy hues muddy uncomfortable hues
til one day she sees a light raises her eyes realizes
art is her meditation realization of truth of life of getting
back to real to feel to remember to forget she frowns a brown
frown at the colors she has made paints it black
starting from the neck of the dove who dared to
disappoint in hungry dark chocolate hues runs away
cries a glass of tears in your waterpark blues
homesick subterranean alien
gets uncomfortably close
colors blurring the lines till they
become muddy hues muddy uncomfortable hues
til one day she sees a light raises her eyes realizes
art is her meditation realization of truth of life of getting
back to real to feel to remember to forget she frowns a brown
frown at the colors she has made paints it black
starting from the neck of the dove who dared to
disappoint in hungry dark chocolate hues runs away
cries a glass of tears in your waterpark blues
homesick subterranean alien
28.6.10
back in the med.
these days have been a dream.
we found the fairyhole and jellyfished in the mediterranean sea.
we slept on the rocks under the full moon, made a fire and counted stars til we fell asleep to the gentle lull of the waves.
we made love as we watched the sunset and reflected in eachother's eyes at the mouth of a cave as the sea crashed at our feet.
we found a friend we were subconsciously looking for.
a super hippy yoga-art-meditation-spiritual nomad from north carolina.
we met her naked swimming in the sea, picked her up in the van and traveled in the last days of renata to the sandy beach, found a cane hut made for us to take refuge nap in the hot sandsun, painted watercolors with sand textures, ate cozze washed and blessed in the sea, learned new ashtanga yoga flows, gave thai massages and buried eachother in the sand.
we shared space, time, music, meals, laughter and love and spirit with a girl with less our years and more our gall and experience, an encyclopedia of incredibly precious knowledge and spirit.
we learned to appreciate eachother, recognize the comfortable place our love had grown into, and see where we would like to go, be inspired to the greatest depths of our souls. new goals new dreams new friends new possibilities and a handful of songs and seashells.
we found the fairyhole and jellyfished in the mediterranean sea.
we slept on the rocks under the full moon, made a fire and counted stars til we fell asleep to the gentle lull of the waves.
we made love as we watched the sunset and reflected in eachother's eyes at the mouth of a cave as the sea crashed at our feet.
we found a friend we were subconsciously looking for.
a super hippy yoga-art-meditation-spiritual nomad from north carolina.
we met her naked swimming in the sea, picked her up in the van and traveled in the last days of renata to the sandy beach, found a cane hut made for us to take refuge nap in the hot sandsun, painted watercolors with sand textures, ate cozze washed and blessed in the sea, learned new ashtanga yoga flows, gave thai massages and buried eachother in the sand.
we shared space, time, music, meals, laughter and love and spirit with a girl with less our years and more our gall and experience, an encyclopedia of incredibly precious knowledge and spirit.
we learned to appreciate eachother, recognize the comfortable place our love had grown into, and see where we would like to go, be inspired to the greatest depths of our souls. new goals new dreams new friends new possibilities and a handful of songs and seashells.
24.6.10
buca delle fate.
listening to my heartbeat
the sea
and all of a sudden it stops.
in midair midbreath midwavelength
drops off the charts off the radar off the face of the earth
and the world holds its breath in waiting
in wonder why
the white noise gone unnoticed in sleep upon ceasal disrupts the flow.
starts again.
the sea
and all of a sudden it stops.
in midair midbreath midwavelength
drops off the charts off the radar off the face of the earth
and the world holds its breath in waiting
in wonder why
the white noise gone unnoticed in sleep upon ceasal disrupts the flow.
starts again.
13.6.10
oh beach house. gimme that nostalgia milkshake.
and im drowning
myself
in it tonight
silken rapture wrapped up in the
(you only give me what you dont want no more.)
myself
in it tonight
silken rapture wrapped up in the
(you only give me what you dont want no more.)
28.5.10
seafear.
from 5 ottobre.
yesterday i sunbathed topless on the rocks, found a secret place in front of my apartment scaled a ladder down the side of the wall that keeps the island from falling into the sea, foot over foot down a tiny bit of rock on the side of the island to lay barebreasted in the warm october sun. i am terrified of swimming alone and petrified of submerged things in the water, and there are many of them... huge looming titanic rocks that cut your feet make your knees bleed and dance under the light of the seawater-filtered sun. i faced my fears and dove time and again into open sea, escaped into the open sea alone. opening my eyes under water is my very favorite thing in the entire world. i become a fish, i become beautiful, i turn back to sea my skin perfect brown illuminated neon under salty sun surrounded by diamonds bubbles my air the air of the world trapped dancing here with me in our new home. it is trippy as hell and continuously like dying. everything under water is circles of color, moving dancing fishes swim away from my hands. the rocks part and bare sand under sun is blinding turquoise.
something moves by me i cannot see but water swirls and i swim fast as i can roll breathless panting out of the sea.
the water is frigid but in a way that keeps you very warm. it is the freshest clean.
yesterday i sunbathed topless on the rocks, found a secret place in front of my apartment scaled a ladder down the side of the wall that keeps the island from falling into the sea, foot over foot down a tiny bit of rock on the side of the island to lay barebreasted in the warm october sun. i am terrified of swimming alone and petrified of submerged things in the water, and there are many of them... huge looming titanic rocks that cut your feet make your knees bleed and dance under the light of the seawater-filtered sun. i faced my fears and dove time and again into open sea, escaped into the open sea alone. opening my eyes under water is my very favorite thing in the entire world. i become a fish, i become beautiful, i turn back to sea my skin perfect brown illuminated neon under salty sun surrounded by diamonds bubbles my air the air of the world trapped dancing here with me in our new home. it is trippy as hell and continuously like dying. everything under water is circles of color, moving dancing fishes swim away from my hands. the rocks part and bare sand under sun is blinding turquoise.
something moves by me i cannot see but water swirls and i swim fast as i can roll breathless panting out of the sea.
the water is frigid but in a way that keeps you very warm. it is the freshest clean.
18.4.10
lexington.
using the sharpened sharpened spit clean wipe rust
sharp end of the knife to cut open the scar on my knee
hurts so twisted lips in a beautiful painful painful musical wincing heart twisting grin.
sharp end of the knife to cut open the scar on my knee
hurts so twisted lips in a beautiful painful painful musical wincing heart twisting grin.
14.4.10
i am a rock. i am an island.
i am america. big and wild and beautiful and too young for my own good. big dreams and the whole world my whole life in front of me.
to learn to laugh to grow to crawl.
to learn to laugh to grow to crawl.
happy birthday to me.
getting older
feels like my bones inside a bird cage
i'm carryin
clangin round a rattling
dangerously exposed robot form
bones white scraping and its fallin
fallin apart.
feels like my bones inside a bird cage
i'm carryin
clangin round a rattling
dangerously exposed robot form
bones white scraping and its fallin
fallin apart.
today i bought eggs from the neighbors' hens who run around in the yard with the giant bunny rabbit.
the girl on the train on the way to milano was studying naturapatia and food and told me about the chickens, sometimes two in the space the size of an 8.5 x 11'' piece of paper and how in these cramped quarters they often become violent and hurt or kill eachother and then i thought about the city.
13.4.10
stuff we done.
helicopters and birds that fly way down below. climbing a hill with its green silk hair
waving to find more castles in the sea in the distance beyond rolling near evergreen covered in vineyards.
we are sitting on the high castle wall fighting the wind trying not to fall and a bird sails wide an arc in the green the valley below.
-----------------
rows of apple blossoms cherry blossoms grass spring green and skies peppered blue.
blue and green and pink and white. pink and white. pink and white.
pink and blue and green and white. green and white. green and white.
-----------------
'i am extremely against extreme controversy.'
waving to find more castles in the sea in the distance beyond rolling near evergreen covered in vineyards.
we are sitting on the high castle wall fighting the wind trying not to fall and a bird sails wide an arc in the green the valley below.
-----------------
rows of apple blossoms cherry blossoms grass spring green and skies peppered blue.
blue and green and pink and white. pink and white. pink and white.
pink and blue and green and white. green and white. green and white.
-----------------
'i am extremely against extreme controversy.'
the difference between us.
i guess some people were born to lie in the field, inspired by dreamy shapes in the clouds and others born to run around them in frantic circles planting and reaping and moving on to the next field with such a speed that the cloud watcher feels only a breeze seemingly warmed from some faroff land.
3 sarahs.
part of me wants it part of me wants to want it and the other part of me wants nothing to do with it.
12.4.10
alagna. 24/03/10
i awaken to the steady soundtrack of the stream where i wash our clothes with handmade olive oil soap and leave them to dry in the three hours of sun blocked out most the day by the nebbiose montagne who echo avalanches shotguns all day long, who almost took my life yesterday while ice clamps on snow shoes weren't enough for my paralyzing fear as we traversed avalanches frozen nearly solid and raced the rising sun to safety on flat ground.
we are greeted twice daily by the smell and the bells of the sheep being herded by.
we get our milk fresh from local cows and boil it making a smell like a pasta meal and black pepper. we fill our water bottles from the fountain in the village, cold mountain stream water and we make love in the warm safety of our camper in the snow.
we are greeted twice daily by the smell and the bells of the sheep being herded by.
we get our milk fresh from local cows and boil it making a smell like a pasta meal and black pepper. we fill our water bottles from the fountain in the village, cold mountain stream water and we make love in the warm safety of our camper in the snow.
from biella to alagna.
we woke up on the side of a little hill town, next to the cemetery, the view of the alps bright and costume-backdrop in the distance. i wandered alone into the fogged morning with my camera and found myself in the cimitero with an old lady who introduced herself as 'renata' and showed me all her family members' graves, talked about how pretty my hair was and how old she was and how well i spoke italian. she left me in front of the grave of her mother, covered in bright perfumed daffodils she'd picked that morning from her garden.
elia and i ended up finally in biella, where we watched the world with a backdrop of white black ominous mountains, ate free ice cream, were served dinner of local deer, the best wine in the region, in the house of my dreams. a hot shower a warm bed. we drank one of the world's best beers 'menabrau!' in the oldest and smallest beer distillery in italy and had a panino from heaven. we swang high into the sky and laughed and screamed and giggled our cares away and marvelled at the now-beautiful clouded grey grey sky atop a hill in a village where all the buildings were older than 500 years, sometimes 700. we found a secret closed path, climbed a wall and still couldnt get into the well-guarded castle courtyard. that night we drove to novara with good beer in our stomachs and stopped renata by a river in the woods. we got high and abandoned our apples, pears and pecorino for eachother's embrace. i got lost inthe music and my own thoughts.
the next morning we went with matteo to his little farm where we tasted honey (with pollen!) from his bees and watched them working. i got sweaty in the cool grey spring air from tilling the earth, fighting combatting la terra with hand tools for hours, bruising my muscles and surprising myself at my own strength.
we made a fire in the stove and ate like fucking kings, and had hot chocolate from orgasms and uvette. we drank the water dripping from a broken kiwi branch and tasted the nourishment mother nature gives a tree. we breathed in wet heavy hanging silence echoing in an empty dreary wood. we tested our limits in a sauna heated by our fire and sweated out all that was left was peace and sleepiness. we tried every kind of meat and cheese novara's fiera had to offer (tartufa = truffle) and spoiled ourselves with fresh licorice root, nutmeg, gorgonzola and beer.
i took a walk and counted tree rings and sang at the top of my lungs in a forest where no one could hear or see or touch me and where i got scared of those wet hanging grey darkening woods and i forgot all the songs i had learned and let the trees and my body and my heart tell me the notes till they echoed and mixed with distant church bells ringing. i found feathers fluttered in a quick violent shuffle, a defeat, blue and brown and irridescence. i wandered away and wanted never to return but i was afraid. i found the forest of my dreams with grey blanket encircling rows of white birch trees cocking their heads to the sides to listen to the wind on the dripping air.
we were guests of honor at my first italian matrimonio and i spent a day mostly in silence again, watching the tree shapes drip in distant foggy fields who stayed the same luminescent shade of gray all the day through.
i meditated for the first time since chesney's and discovered that it is really interesting and i must do it more often.
right now i am at the base of monta rossa, between france and switzerland, with a liter of milk fresh from the local cow sitting in the snow behind renata while elia paints a collaborational gift for ettore who took grand italian care of us in biella. my stomach is growling as we've both kept to our fast today of only 3/4 of an apple each - a must after yesterdays' wedding gorge-session. we are making friends everywhere we go, learning about life and love and we have a camper full of food. i think we're good to go so momma don't you worry.
elia and i ended up finally in biella, where we watched the world with a backdrop of white black ominous mountains, ate free ice cream, were served dinner of local deer, the best wine in the region, in the house of my dreams. a hot shower a warm bed. we drank one of the world's best beers 'menabrau!' in the oldest and smallest beer distillery in italy and had a panino from heaven. we swang high into the sky and laughed and screamed and giggled our cares away and marvelled at the now-beautiful clouded grey grey sky atop a hill in a village where all the buildings were older than 500 years, sometimes 700. we found a secret closed path, climbed a wall and still couldnt get into the well-guarded castle courtyard. that night we drove to novara with good beer in our stomachs and stopped renata by a river in the woods. we got high and abandoned our apples, pears and pecorino for eachother's embrace. i got lost inthe music and my own thoughts.
the next morning we went with matteo to his little farm where we tasted honey (with pollen!) from his bees and watched them working. i got sweaty in the cool grey spring air from tilling the earth, fighting combatting la terra with hand tools for hours, bruising my muscles and surprising myself at my own strength.
we made a fire in the stove and ate like fucking kings, and had hot chocolate from orgasms and uvette. we drank the water dripping from a broken kiwi branch and tasted the nourishment mother nature gives a tree. we breathed in wet heavy hanging silence echoing in an empty dreary wood. we tested our limits in a sauna heated by our fire and sweated out all that was left was peace and sleepiness. we tried every kind of meat and cheese novara's fiera had to offer (tartufa = truffle) and spoiled ourselves with fresh licorice root, nutmeg, gorgonzola and beer.
i took a walk and counted tree rings and sang at the top of my lungs in a forest where no one could hear or see or touch me and where i got scared of those wet hanging grey darkening woods and i forgot all the songs i had learned and let the trees and my body and my heart tell me the notes till they echoed and mixed with distant church bells ringing. i found feathers fluttered in a quick violent shuffle, a defeat, blue and brown and irridescence. i wandered away and wanted never to return but i was afraid. i found the forest of my dreams with grey blanket encircling rows of white birch trees cocking their heads to the sides to listen to the wind on the dripping air.
we were guests of honor at my first italian matrimonio and i spent a day mostly in silence again, watching the tree shapes drip in distant foggy fields who stayed the same luminescent shade of gray all the day through.
i meditated for the first time since chesney's and discovered that it is really interesting and i must do it more often.
right now i am at the base of monta rossa, between france and switzerland, with a liter of milk fresh from the local cow sitting in the snow behind renata while elia paints a collaborational gift for ettore who took grand italian care of us in biella. my stomach is growling as we've both kept to our fast today of only 3/4 of an apple each - a must after yesterdays' wedding gorge-session. we are making friends everywhere we go, learning about life and love and we have a camper full of food. i think we're good to go so momma don't you worry.
venezia.
the smell of fresh italian sweet drifting over the cobblestone streets takes me to sicilia takes me to summer.
walking city. walking surreal city.
we watched the city sink.
walking city. walking surreal city.
we watched the city sink.
train ride
pass a forest of gridded new trees each bearing a white riga of snow balancing treacherously on the side. i want to make you come in my mouth.
clouds painted on a sea just for me.
i am tired in the sun but the gift is too beautiful to turn down, to close my eyes. in the moments i am writing i am searching for my camera to steal a moment and try to make a 2d permanent fixture of it.
i lose something dear to me.
clouds painted on a sea just for me.
i am tired in the sun but the gift is too beautiful to turn down, to close my eyes. in the moments i am writing i am searching for my camera to steal a moment and try to make a 2d permanent fixture of it.
i lose something dear to me.
heading to venice.
all i want is a room somewhere far away from the cold night air. with one enormous chair oh wouldnt it be lovely? lots of choclate for me to eat. lots of coal making lots of heat. warm face warm hands warm feet oh wouldnt it be lovely? oh so lovely sitting abso-bloomin-lutely still. i would never budge till spring
crept under me windowsill
someone's head restin' on my knee
warm and tender as he can be
who takes good care of me oh wouldnt it
be lovely?
a bit of red emilia-romagna, my reward for having missed my train and spending many euros more to catch another and im walking down the platform (stumbling?) when i see this short stump of a man blatantly following the steps of the woman in front of me-watching her ass in tight jeans as she walks by. without thinking i raise my hands smoothly in front of his little face and clap them
twice
hard
feeling the sting as i walk on.
he follows me to the next platform and i make him mousechase me until i hide in a corner, the fermented grapes of freedom loosening their effect.
crept under me windowsill
someone's head restin' on my knee
warm and tender as he can be
who takes good care of me oh wouldnt it
be lovely?
a bit of red emilia-romagna, my reward for having missed my train and spending many euros more to catch another and im walking down the platform (stumbling?) when i see this short stump of a man blatantly following the steps of the woman in front of me-watching her ass in tight jeans as she walks by. without thinking i raise my hands smoothly in front of his little face and clap them
twice
hard
feeling the sting as i walk on.
he follows me to the next platform and i make him mousechase me until i hide in a corner, the fermented grapes of freedom loosening their effect.
5.3.10
4.3.10
senza titolo.
(i am not writing or speaking the context of this dream because it is simply too horrific to tell you)
he looks me in the eye from under the car and at that moment i suck in a breath, as scuttling and feeble as my half awake brain will allow me to do. i am screaming inhumanly
i am awake in my bedroom.
i listen to the rain outside, feel the fresh air coming in the window and lie tossing still in that fever, that fuoco di pensieri. i cannot shake his words, his deeds.
i realize i am headed to a place where waking up from these dreams is not a possibility.
people do things like this in afrika every day. twisted, fucked up, hannibal lecter on krak kokane fucking frozen dead girls.
i scoff at myself.
(i'm walking into the fire. if i can't handle a nightmare about it how can i handle when i cant stop the nightmare just by screaming?)
oh but i did handle it. im not falling apart. a scream, a tear or two and shhh.
this is just a practice run. test-go.
wait til you land on the moon to freak out about the aliens with their new instruments of war.
he looks me in the eye from under the car and at that moment i suck in a breath, as scuttling and feeble as my half awake brain will allow me to do. i am screaming inhumanly
i am awake in my bedroom.
i listen to the rain outside, feel the fresh air coming in the window and lie tossing still in that fever, that fuoco di pensieri. i cannot shake his words, his deeds.
i realize i am headed to a place where waking up from these dreams is not a possibility.
people do things like this in afrika every day. twisted, fucked up, hannibal lecter on krak kokane fucking frozen dead girls.
i scoff at myself.
(i'm walking into the fire. if i can't handle a nightmare about it how can i handle when i cant stop the nightmare just by screaming?)
oh but i did handle it. im not falling apart. a scream, a tear or two and shhh.
this is just a practice run. test-go.
wait til you land on the moon to freak out about the aliens with their new instruments of war.
2.3.10
at dinner.
'ho bisogno d'una cambia completa'
the dog barks. her girlfriend is home.
and the wind slams the kitchen window
closed
the dog barks. her girlfriend is home.
and the wind slams the kitchen window
closed
1.3.10
a ferrara.
in una mattina con l'aria fresca dal sud che mi dice 'oggi avra' caldo per te' c'e' una nebbia ovunque che settles in the cracks of the cobble stones in the shape of endless repetitive gingko leaves amidst countless forgotten wine corks, discarded in a night of laughter rattling to rest under clicking heels.
organ plays and bells ring out from the catedrale walls and piccioni scuttle from bumping bicycle tires.
i perch myself on the wall of the moat surrounding the castle and eat my breakfast, the olives that liam and valentina collected and cured giving me ammo.
i spit seeds into the opaque green and wait for the cocodrilli.
they come slowly slowly i can't tell if they're moving or i am
and then the dark line running down the back becomes a giant fish.
so big i almost fall towards them and watch as they pool and swarm in a pile of fat thick strong yardlong carp.
organ plays and bells ring out from the catedrale walls and piccioni scuttle from bumping bicycle tires.
i perch myself on the wall of the moat surrounding the castle and eat my breakfast, the olives that liam and valentina collected and cured giving me ammo.
i spit seeds into the opaque green and wait for the cocodrilli.
they come slowly slowly i can't tell if they're moving or i am
and then the dark line running down the back becomes a giant fish.
so big i almost fall towards them and watch as they pool and swarm in a pile of fat thick strong yardlong carp.
28.2.10
scribbled between sketches of ancient egyptian symbols.
the ancient egyptians were superstitious bastards but coincidentally much smarter than we'll ever be.
touching myself over canopic jars.
your feet are tightly bound. aint no escapin death now.
touching myself over canopic jars.
your feet are tightly bound. aint no escapin death now.
17.2.10
i feel myself
and i am floating floating away.
complete disconnect from all of you and my feelings and i dont have to care about anything. anyone.
a light airy disconnected freedom.
complete disconnect from all of you and my feelings and i dont have to care about anything. anyone.
a light airy disconnected freedom.
12.2.10
lightasafeather stiffasaboard
i want to touch your feet feel your lines your bones
play with the one like that in my knee
touch your crumbling face
i am reselecting music on my ipod inches from a mummy.
i am disappointed your face is just a burnt ball.
usai.
i reach out and peel away the rough thin linen
reveal your teeth intact and offer you
a cup of tea a kiss for luck.
play with the one like that in my knee
touch your crumbling face
i am reselecting music on my ipod inches from a mummy.
i am disappointed your face is just a burnt ball.
usai.
i reach out and peel away the rough thin linen
reveal your teeth intact and offer you
a cup of tea a kiss for luck.
7.2.10
in the woods in tuscany.
in a night lit only by the stars of the universe and i mean all of them visible to a naked eye from italy
we close our eyes and still they are imprinted on the backs of our eyelids.
orione as always stands over me, sheathed sword
there's never a fight
the tiny dipper faces the big as it pours sweet cream
fills our awaiting buckets with milk.
we close our eyes and still they are imprinted on the backs of our eyelids.
orione as always stands over me, sheathed sword
there's never a fight
the tiny dipper faces the big as it pours sweet cream
fills our awaiting buckets with milk.
18.1.10
the stonehenge affect.
new scars, cat scratches white 3 across my thigh. sicilian past lovers, eh? food so good i eat slowly savoring never slow enough. cobwebs in ice showers every 3, 4 days. clearing a dry throat in your orange and yellow bed. wanting to, seeing inspiration from you to go and do what i've always wanted, trusting like a child in the past record of the universe.
feeling love, warmth, you coming on my pubic hair and it sticking all together. the orgasm i had when we fucked how incredibly attracted to and jealous of you i am. i dont want to be another girl on your travels, like all the others in my own special way but i dont wanna be naive (and stupid) and think i am going to change your path or that i want to follow you on yours around the world. how you inspire me in a way that brings me back to the feeling i get when looking at your fotos.
the stonehenge affect.
earth moving. i felt it, the earth move, me changing history, when i cheated on jason.
feeling love, warmth, you coming on my pubic hair and it sticking all together. the orgasm i had when we fucked how incredibly attracted to and jealous of you i am. i dont want to be another girl on your travels, like all the others in my own special way but i dont wanna be naive (and stupid) and think i am going to change your path or that i want to follow you on yours around the world. how you inspire me in a way that brings me back to the feeling i get when looking at your fotos.
the stonehenge affect.
earth moving. i felt it, the earth move, me changing history, when i cheated on jason.
17.1.10
horsemeathead.
the dream is a vision. a man in a black suit standing within two feet of me. i see him only from the waist up. his head is a horse head but stripped nearly clean, exposing fresh shining dark dark red meat. i can see the ribs. it is beautiful and i feel good.
(my current fascination with my own blood and eating horse for the first time)
(my current fascination with my own blood and eating horse for the first time)
12.1.10
one of the first days. w.elia.
i would stay in bed all day until a need drives me out. to eat create kiss. dare. sarebbo contenta a viaggare con te. certo sarebbe. penso forse ora non riesco immaginare una cosa piu' bella. e' meglio a scrivere i miei sogni o devo sempre dimenticare le cose brute?
voglio mangiare una torta di mela. voglio dare le mia cose via al piu' presto posibile. to give things up is often such a freeing feeling. i think its ok to give up anything if at the parting you can feel more free. like a boy, and art even, and naturally all those clothes i got hangin out in my huge suitcase.
voglio mangiare una torta di mela. voglio dare le mia cose via al piu' presto posibile. to give things up is often such a freeing feeling. i think its ok to give up anything if at the parting you can feel more free. like a boy, and art even, and naturally all those clothes i got hangin out in my huge suitcase.
10.1.10
sono arrivata.
non ha fatto freddo quando sono arrivata qua a milano. just to camminare in quest'appartamento meta' distrutto mi fa sentire diverso, essattamente lo stesso sentimento come sono arrivata sul un'altra pianeta. per questi a mi sembri lontano lontano e il mio cuore sente strano, un po' come fossei solo un sogno d'un anno fa'. so che era due, tre giorni fa' pero sembra in tanto di piu'.
che divertente nelle mie stelle: siete (Ariete) un segno di fuoco, impazienti e un pocchino egoiste, avete bisogno dei stimoli sempre nuovi.
che divertente nelle mie stelle: siete (Ariete) un segno di fuoco, impazienti e un pocchino egoiste, avete bisogno dei stimoli sempre nuovi.
8.1.10
incubo d'un fantasmo/maiale.
mi sveglio d'un incubo faccendo il suono d'un porco.
lo stavo faccendo ad un fantasmo con gli occhi bianchi chi mi stava guardando nella mia faccia.
i was in a house i had made a sign for and placed on the front yard, something about 'if you want to see this house, we are interested in it and we can show you.'
it was a house cosi' (drawing of 3 story 2 window wide highrise apt complex) and red brick.
i woke up in bed with dario and couldn't move, could feel my body being pulled up towards the top of the bed, over my pillow. i thought my body was being consumed by ghosts and i half awoke to think it. i tried hard to move but couldnt
some other stuff, scary stuff happened
but the next i remember is me trying to slap dario awake and say we gotta go dario,
this isnt our house but he wouldnt wake
and finally he did but said
'i would but there is a groundhog staring standing at the foot of my bed'
but he really said 'grandpa' though i tried to make a joke out of it because i was so scared.
dario was smiling
i could sense his teeth in the dark and then i felt them with my fingers
and it scared me even more
i thought he was possessed.
i bit his nose hard but afraid to draw blood and attract the sharklike demon energy but he laughed and said 'they bit it off so many times i had to have it sewn back on' speaking back on what was about to happen.
i tried to get out of bed and was face in face with 'the grandpa,' a bald man of 35 or so with eyes and head covered in white makeup. i snorted at him to scare and mock him and awoke like a pig, wanting to wake dario.
lo stavo faccendo ad un fantasmo con gli occhi bianchi chi mi stava guardando nella mia faccia.
i was in a house i had made a sign for and placed on the front yard, something about 'if you want to see this house, we are interested in it and we can show you.'
it was a house cosi' (drawing of 3 story 2 window wide highrise apt complex) and red brick.
i woke up in bed with dario and couldn't move, could feel my body being pulled up towards the top of the bed, over my pillow. i thought my body was being consumed by ghosts and i half awoke to think it. i tried hard to move but couldnt
some other stuff, scary stuff happened
but the next i remember is me trying to slap dario awake and say we gotta go dario,
this isnt our house but he wouldnt wake
and finally he did but said
'i would but there is a groundhog staring standing at the foot of my bed'
but he really said 'grandpa' though i tried to make a joke out of it because i was so scared.
dario was smiling
i could sense his teeth in the dark and then i felt them with my fingers
and it scared me even more
i thought he was possessed.
i bit his nose hard but afraid to draw blood and attract the sharklike demon energy but he laughed and said 'they bit it off so many times i had to have it sewn back on' speaking back on what was about to happen.
i tried to get out of bed and was face in face with 'the grandpa,' a bald man of 35 or so with eyes and head covered in white makeup. i snorted at him to scare and mock him and awoke like a pig, wanting to wake dario.
5.1.10
makeupburns.
tears runnin down fresh clean makeup face.
chemical burns.
dont cry for me you selfish one. just let me let me go.
chemical burns.
dont cry for me you selfish one. just let me let me go.
3.1.10
happy new year.
sitting with
a need for change.
only this time i have already changed almost everything around me and the best i can do is listen.
a need for change.
only this time i have already changed almost everything around me and the best i can do is listen.
dreams. ghost.
ascending stairs at the reynold's building which is much more grandiose than the actual.
i run into a boy as he walks in the door. he vaguely resembles tim wilburn but only in stature. we talk and he tells me his name
we shake hands.
he tells me the answers to my questions.
then comes a couple of girls and he is lost in the confusion.
they tell me
he was a ghost.
i end up outside and i am trying to return, to find him
to remember what his name was and what he had said to me.
i find it odd that i shook his hand even though he was a ghost.
i end up in a huge room that resembles a lighthouse room but ginormous. canyon sized.
there are stairs leading in every imaginable direction and stopping in the middle of nowhere.
i am climbing them, maybe with some of my family.
i hear a dog barking there is shuffling the room fills with churning freezing sea water greygreen and envelops the stairs which writhe and rise from the water with me holding on for dear life, just before descending to crash into the sea.
i awake. my sister's dog is barking.
i run into a boy as he walks in the door. he vaguely resembles tim wilburn but only in stature. we talk and he tells me his name
we shake hands.
he tells me the answers to my questions.
then comes a couple of girls and he is lost in the confusion.
they tell me
he was a ghost.
i end up outside and i am trying to return, to find him
to remember what his name was and what he had said to me.
i find it odd that i shook his hand even though he was a ghost.
i end up in a huge room that resembles a lighthouse room but ginormous. canyon sized.
there are stairs leading in every imaginable direction and stopping in the middle of nowhere.
i am climbing them, maybe with some of my family.
i hear a dog barking there is shuffling the room fills with churning freezing sea water greygreen and envelops the stairs which writhe and rise from the water with me holding on for dear life, just before descending to crash into the sea.
i awake. my sister's dog is barking.
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