fuck you. fuck you
and...
oh yeah.
fuck you.
5.3.10
4.3.10
senza titolo.
(i am not writing or speaking the context of this dream because it is simply too horrific to tell you)
he looks me in the eye from under the car and at that moment i suck in a breath, as scuttling and feeble as my half awake brain will allow me to do. i am screaming inhumanly
i am awake in my bedroom.
i listen to the rain outside, feel the fresh air coming in the window and lie tossing still in that fever, that fuoco di pensieri. i cannot shake his words, his deeds.
i realize i am headed to a place where waking up from these dreams is not a possibility.
people do things like this in afrika every day. twisted, fucked up, hannibal lecter on krak kokane fucking frozen dead girls.
i scoff at myself.
(i'm walking into the fire. if i can't handle a nightmare about it how can i handle when i cant stop the nightmare just by screaming?)
oh but i did handle it. im not falling apart. a scream, a tear or two and shhh.
this is just a practice run. test-go.
wait til you land on the moon to freak out about the aliens with their new instruments of war.
he looks me in the eye from under the car and at that moment i suck in a breath, as scuttling and feeble as my half awake brain will allow me to do. i am screaming inhumanly
i am awake in my bedroom.
i listen to the rain outside, feel the fresh air coming in the window and lie tossing still in that fever, that fuoco di pensieri. i cannot shake his words, his deeds.
i realize i am headed to a place where waking up from these dreams is not a possibility.
people do things like this in afrika every day. twisted, fucked up, hannibal lecter on krak kokane fucking frozen dead girls.
i scoff at myself.
(i'm walking into the fire. if i can't handle a nightmare about it how can i handle when i cant stop the nightmare just by screaming?)
oh but i did handle it. im not falling apart. a scream, a tear or two and shhh.
this is just a practice run. test-go.
wait til you land on the moon to freak out about the aliens with their new instruments of war.
2.3.10
at dinner.
'ho bisogno d'una cambia completa'
the dog barks. her girlfriend is home.
and the wind slams the kitchen window
closed
the dog barks. her girlfriend is home.
and the wind slams the kitchen window
closed
1.3.10
a ferrara.
in una mattina con l'aria fresca dal sud che mi dice 'oggi avra' caldo per te' c'e' una nebbia ovunque che settles in the cracks of the cobble stones in the shape of endless repetitive gingko leaves amidst countless forgotten wine corks, discarded in a night of laughter rattling to rest under clicking heels.
organ plays and bells ring out from the catedrale walls and piccioni scuttle from bumping bicycle tires.
i perch myself on the wall of the moat surrounding the castle and eat my breakfast, the olives that liam and valentina collected and cured giving me ammo.
i spit seeds into the opaque green and wait for the cocodrilli.
they come slowly slowly i can't tell if they're moving or i am
and then the dark line running down the back becomes a giant fish.
so big i almost fall towards them and watch as they pool and swarm in a pile of fat thick strong yardlong carp.
organ plays and bells ring out from the catedrale walls and piccioni scuttle from bumping bicycle tires.
i perch myself on the wall of the moat surrounding the castle and eat my breakfast, the olives that liam and valentina collected and cured giving me ammo.
i spit seeds into the opaque green and wait for the cocodrilli.
they come slowly slowly i can't tell if they're moving or i am
and then the dark line running down the back becomes a giant fish.
so big i almost fall towards them and watch as they pool and swarm in a pile of fat thick strong yardlong carp.
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